did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
