i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
