It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
