I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
