you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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