Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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