WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize