Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
