he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
