It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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