I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
