he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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