it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
