WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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