Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
