i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
