Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
