Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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