I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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