Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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