Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
