You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
