dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
