I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
