You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The uberlube is also flammable
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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