I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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