i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
