TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
