bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
