My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
