you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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