Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
