Where did you get a picture of my penis
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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