The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
