A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
