It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she looked like the before picture.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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