im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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