just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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