Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
