That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
