he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
