it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
