Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize