your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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