Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize