but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
