He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
