Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
