Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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