careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
