just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
