Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
