How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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