4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Say something about gay babies.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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