Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize