If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
