Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
