I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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