Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize