I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
