birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
