Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
