i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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