he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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