my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
