Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
